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Ignite Blog #3 | Belonging

Writer's picture: Anne HughesAnne Hughes

Updated: Jan 27

Today the 45th President of the United States becomes the 47th. My overwhelming feeling about this is one of shock, disbelief and genuine concern, although 77,284,118 Americans would of course disagree with me.

 

Does a convicted felon belong in a seat that holds so much power? I’d say no. But I also reflect is it really any of my business? I mean I do think it’s a worry for the world to be honest. But is it my business where he belongs? Probably not, so what does interest me, and what I’m inspired to write about today, is a question I imagine we’ll only ever know an overblown egos answer to - does this particular reality tv star believe he belongs there?

 

I think it’s pretty safe to say that his ego 100% believes he belongs there. Further, he probably doesn’t spend any of his time in the peaceful contemplation required to detach from his ego long enough to truly ponder the question himself.

 

Belonging is something I think about a lot. I’ll start by saying I’m fortunate enough to know that I’ve always, every day of my life, felt belonging within my family. This makes me exceptionally lucky, and I really know that and am immensely grateful for it.

 

Belonging as an adult is something quite different though. Do we belong with certain friends? Do we belong in our workplace, in our team, with these colleagues?

 

A promise I made to myself some time ago was that I’d only stay where I ‘belonged’. Further, that if I stayed authentic, then I’d find the people and places where I could be me. Where I was valued, on purpose and knew for sure I was in the right place.

 

So, what are the areas of our lives where belonging matters?  Our workplaces, relationships, friendships… I don’t think any of us can honestly say we’ve always felt we belonged where we found ourselves.

 

I wonder as you read these words, if you’ve ever considered your own belonging in this way. The words ‘I just don’t like being there’ will have undoubtedly crossed your mind at some point. It’s a feeling, an energy, or often we feel - it’s just not for me.

 

I believe it’s when we ignore these thoughts and feelings that things start to go wrong.

 

When we don't listen is when our most unauthentic selves come to play. When we pretend to be someone we’re not. When we mask our true selves, believing that if we bend and manoeuvre to be who we need to be in a certain space, for certain people that life will be easier, less painful. Problem is - if we do it to for long, we run the risk of forgetting who we are.

 

Over the last four years I’ve asked almost 200 women from all over the world the question ‘What Do You Know For Sure?’ in my podcast of the same title. While there isn’t much cross over, there is a feeling to the wisdom shared with me as I have this conversation over and over. This feeling commonly comes from women in their 50s and beyond. The feeling, to paraphrase, is one of I wish I’d been more myself. If I knew as a young woman, what I know now, I’d have been unstoppable.

 

It always carries a tinge of regret, although certainly a relief that they know now. They carry a gratitude that they’re doing life the way they want to now. That they have the wisdom now, before it was too late.

 

I’ve been self employed for almost 7 years doing consultancy work in a number of organisations at any one time. Recently, I felt my unbelonging. I let it niggle for a bit. Tried to adapt and manoeuvre. None of it worked, because when you know you know. And given I’d long ago promised myself I wouldn’t be where I wasn’t meant to be, it led to me walking away.

 

This is the fourth time I’ve led with my integrity in this way professionally. If I don’t think I belong, I won’t be doing what needs to be done to the best of my ability, so let’s not pretend.

 

So, whether it’s something as big as the Presidency of a country, to the member of a team all the way to a social media platform – I urge you to contemplate if you belong where you are.

 

I concede that belonging is of course a journey, but if some of the turns you've taken have made you doubt, maybe it’s time to make space for the places and people where you could feel that peaceful



sense of belonging.

 

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